“There will come a time when you want to cut off all your hair. Do it. Realise that the thing you want rid of doesn’t lie in the long curls that frame your face so perfectly. Live with short hair for a while. It’ll grow. You won’t always want to talk to people. That’s okay. When it’s late and you hear your friends talking in the next room, you don’t have to join them. You’re allowed your solitude. It makes company sweeter and it teaches you how to survive alone. You will need that skill. In the winter, you’ll believe that nothing will ever grow again. You’re wrong. Every year, London looks like it’s on its last legs, wheezing through those last cold days in March. Every year, spring comes like an explosion and the city shakes off its sleep. Mundane problems will get the better of you sometimes. Don’t worry. Try as you might, life cannot be an endless, beautiful, intense moment. Find comfort in money worries and late trains; they’re a welcome rest in between heartbreaks and breakdowns. People will call you a cynic, a wry smile on their faces. Pay them no mind. You alone know that you are capable of a love greater than anything they can comprehend. You alone know that you are not willing to sell your identity and respect to the first smirking halfwit to pass by. It is not cynicism. It is reverence for your own vast and fathomless heart, and it makes sense only to love someone who understands that and is awed by it. You will not always get what you want when you want it. Accept it. Your goals are not set in stone and you are not on a fixed trajectory. Sometimes, life will take its time and you will have to play the long, interminable game. Play it well and with as much grace as you can muster. Live at your own pace. At night, you will occasionally wake up afraid, wanting to die. Don’t give in. Night plays its tricks, but you are not so easily fooled. Your mind will play its tricks, too. It will make you believe that you’re not who you are, but you must not give in. You take a breath and you tell yourself that you are here. That you always were.”
“and if he wants to leave then let him leave you are terrifying and strange and beautiful something not everyone knows how to love”
“You don’t have only one soul-mate. If you did, you would have married your best friend three years ago. She knows you better than her right hand, and she’ll listen to you cry from eight states away. You don’t have only one soul-mate, because people wake up different parts of you— parts you never even knew existed. The boy when you were 15 taught you what it felt like to get caught kissing in a closet at the party you never should have been at in the first place, without his lips ever touching yours. When you were 18, a boy let you know what it’s like to have your heart lodged in your throat, because he’s moving 2,000 miles away, And he won’t tell you when he’ll be back. You wait until you’re 22 to get attached again, and this time you feel it in every inch. It’s as if you got struck by lightning— the Lichtenberg figure crawls up your arms and across your back, like his hands on your skin while you laid in bed together, and you thought the thump of your heart was in time with his. You don’t have only one soul-mate; Instead, you have soul-mates, because your heart is huge and you have the room.”
“I don’t have a fear of commitment. I have a fear of abandonment. We all screw things up. I screw things up, especially with people I love. I get needy, I get moody, I get distant, I want to be close, I get confused. I don’t understand all of it, but I keep pushing because I hope this thing, this universe, there’s no way that I’m the only person out there who wants something this bad, if I want it, someone else out there must too.”
“you want the truth? no, I didn’t mean it when I said I loved you. If I could replace every “i love you” with “I could love you but maybe later” I would. but I would have never loved you, I never wanted to. I liked fucking you because I felt no emotion. it just felt like you were erasing something in me. we were easy. I didn’t have to lose sleep thinking about your crooked little smile and I didn’t have to lose my thoughts to the way you pour your coffee. I didn’t love you and I know you didn’t love me either. it was just easy to say, like saying I love you was saying sorry. the truth is there’s plenty of fish in the sea but for some reason I keep catching you.”
silence doesn’t always mean ‘okay’
“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.”
“I leave my affairs to You, Ya Allah. I’ll do my best and leave everything else to You. :’)”
“Which do you want: the pain of staying where you are, or the pain of growth?”
“When you love someone, you say their name different. Like it’s safe inside your mouth.”